Stephanie Says STRESS!

Oh. My. Fuggin. God.
(I am fifteen now. That means I'm allowed to say fug.)
Finals are next week. I'm going to fail them all.
All 200 QUESTION 20% OF MY GRADE OF THEM.
I'm truly scared. How could I have been so stupid?
Why did I take Art? Why? I do not know perspective! I cannot write the color wheel!
I might as well jump off a bridge. My future would probably turn out the same way as it will when I FAIL TENTH GRADE.
Fail.
Fail.
FAIL.
Plus Christmas is soon, and I hate Christmas. It's just 50,000 pounds of stress and ham. Nobody needs that much stress. Or ham.
And Mi Madre's new boyfriend is coming over the day after, so there goes my fun laying-in-bed eating-Christmas-candy holiday. The Evil Madre will force me to clean the entire house to impress HIM.
And I don't even like HIM. He seems like a skeevy jerkface. And I've only met him twice.
And the second time all I saw was the back of his head, so that might not even count.
I'm supposed to be mopping the floor and studying right now, actually, but I do not feel like it.
When I open up my Algebra book it only scares me even more. It's worse than a Doberman Pincher. Pinscher. Pincher. Whatever, it is scary.
And the floor is very big to mop. It's intimidating.
In more impotant news....
I WANT TO DYE MY HAIR BLONDE.
Platinum blonde. Like Scarlett Johansson type blonde.
I think it will set off my features, or whatever. And I'm tired of having plain old brown hair. It's boring.
I asked Mi Madre if I could, and she said No.
That means "Try Again Later" in Madre-speak.
I will be blonde!
And dead!
But blonde!
More when there is more to write.

Fishsticks.

Tomorrow is Winter Formal. I'll post pictures I'm sure, but I'm not even in the mood to go in the first place.
It is too late, though. I already bought new shoes.
*sigh*
Big crappish horridible thing with The S Word, or He Who Shall Not Be Named, or S...a...n. Not fun, very depressing, and of course I've had to explain the whole thing over and over to all of my friends who wanted to know what the hell happened. Starting with...
Bree Gabby Audrey Jacob Aaron Matt Jocelyn Heather and the chick I sit next to in World History who's name I cannot remember. It was awful, so I mostly just said I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
In case you are wondering what happened with The S Name...
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
IT happened on Thursday, and a day later I am still mildly depressed.
I'm becoming cynical in my old age. Soon no one will like me anymore.
Sometimes it's like the only reason anyone likes me is because they DON'T. They like the cutesie bubbly Drama Queen Stephanie who is happy all the time and cracks adorable jokes and laughs when you tease her.
Jordan teased me today and I snapped his head off. I'm just not. In. Le mood.
I'm three wrist slits away from being Emo, I sweartoGod.
The only really nice friends I have are guys, anyways. I told Aaron all about it and he bought me chocolate and said all the right sympathetic type things. I told Matt and he said not to worry about what S was thinking because guys don't think. Also that I was too young to worry about this stuff, because he is a senior and likes to be all parent-ish. Whatever.
I like seniors.
S was a senior...
Okay. Leaving now.
THANK YOU FOR NOT READING OR COMMENTING THIS.
IT MEANS A LOT.
(I told you I was getting cynical.)

It's like, BAZAM!

Arghh. Having your crush find out you like him is the second worst thing in the world, ya know?
The worst thing is nuclear war, but this runs a really close second.
Here is how it happened:
Danielle told her sister Kelly who told Shawn who wanted to see me. Met me. He asked Danielle if I would be at the library at lunch, and she said yes, and I bolted fastlikethis. Except I kind of really needed to turn in my book, and... I was curious. And nervous. And mad at certain sisters with gigantic mouths. So we went. And Danielle was like "Your going to talk to him," and I politely told her that that's just not how it works with me, and she said, "Try," and the librarian was all, "He's so sweet," and I sat down and read my book and waited. I must have read the same paragraph fifty thousand times.
He comes in. Danielle waves me over. I go up to the counter, which he is behind, helping out. He helps out at the library. Can vou say perfect match? I say, "What?" we talk quietly, while she tries to get me to say something to him. I refuse until I'm literally backing towards my book. I can't really remember what I said exactly, which is bad, especially considering Shawn was definitely listening. I sit down and "read." Danielle points me out to him, trying to get him to say something the same way she did me. Poor guy. He turns bright red, says, 'I think I should go now," and leaves. Leaves! D, of course, goes on and on about how he's never been that tongue tied, he must have liked me, blah blah blah. Whatev. HE LEFT. Doesn't that say everything?
I feel stupid. I hate feeling stupid.

I'll edit this later. Too depressed to spell check.

Blue Skies and Depression

Had the crappiest day today. It was the worst kind of awful, you know? When it starts out fantastic and then suddenly plummets into despair, like you're bipolar or something. Or like you had too many bowls of Rice Krispies for breakfast, whichever.
Everything has been going my way lately. All my tests are made up, I have awesome friends, a group to go to the Winter Formal with, great clothes and halfway decent hair. I think I jinxed it though, cause I was running the mile in P.E.,looking at the blue sky and the sweaty runners, just thinking how lucky am I, completely oblivious to the upcoming despair that is...

Shawn. Has. A serious girlfriend.

Shawn's a senior I met in the library, with perfect eyes and great style. The first guy who's really caught my eye since I came to this school, cause I'm uber picky when it comes to dating. He's one of Danielle's friends, and no matter how absolutely shocked she was that I liked him, I still do. Her other friends were shocked too, because he's not classically cute. He's Stephanie Cute, which makes a huge difference because I tend to disregard looks when it comes to crushes I meet in the library. He's very sweet, the librarian said. Very interesting, my World History teacher said. Very taken, Danielle informed me.

I sulked all the way to Art class.

"Do you like, really want him, or do you just think he's cute?" Danielle asked as we trudged away from the library.

"I just think he's cute," I lied. Like I was telling Danielle I was half head over heels for I guy I had said two words too. ("Hello, Shawn.")

And he's supposedly "in love" with Tiffany. Tiffany, with the bad skin and frizzy hair, who wears baggy band T-shirts to school~! To make matters worse, I followed Danielle over to say hi to him and he had his arm around her, calling her cute right in front of me and not even looking my way. Because apparently it does not matter how cute I am, Tiffany's wonderful sense of style takes precedence.

I'm gushing, I know.

I just haven't liked a guy this much since I was a freshman.

And I'm sad...

Stress. Stress. STRESS!

I haven't been on here in like a billion years because:
a. I've been busy
b. I had no idea anyone actually even read my first post
c. I just kind of forgot.
My grades have gotten kind of sucky since my first quarter report card. I've been absent a ton (I like to start my weekends early and end them late) so I missed about four tests. And P.E. A TON of P.E. Ms. I, my P.E. teacher, who hates anyone lacking muscles the size of grapefruits, has it in for me. Do you know what the penalty for five absences is, if you want any credit?
Why, four summaries of a health or sports article, of course!
I complained to Melanie about it and she started counting on her fingers.
"Ballet, Tap, Gymnastics, and Figure Skating."
"Oh." That kind of helped, but not really. I don't read magazines about sports. Not even girly, half-assed sports like Tap*. I was going to ask Jacob (super platonic friend, don't get any ideas) to find me a magazine, but I forgot. Crap. I guess I'll just search Yahoo for some article about Martha Graham and be done with it.
I finally made up the last of my tests on Friday, which should bring my grades back to decent, but now I have to stress about the stupid Winter Ball. December First, the only formal of the year where us sad lower classmen are allowed too. About a million people so far have asked if I'm going. Rebecca will not stop talking about it.
"So are you going?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I'm not going to get a date."
"Just go with your friends then! Blah blah blah fun blah blah blah..."
Here is the thing: I really want to go. I love dressing up, and dancing, and flirting, and getting my hair done and all that fun formal stuff. But I can't think of anyone to go with- I have friends, but they're all going with dates. Who wants to be the third wheel??? Not even the third wheel wants to be the third wheel. She's just pathetically forced to be the third wheel, and then she goes home feeling left out and eats ice cream while sobbing.
Just guessing there, of course.
I could ask Jacob, I guess, or see who Danielle's going with- maybe there is some group I could wheel into. But I don't know. No more thinking about it.
And it's not like I'm the only pathetic one. Gabbi isn't going either. So there.
And Jacob might think I like him or something, if I ask him, and I don't. I like making fun of him, teasing him, flirting a little. That's it.
Oh, my God.
I am pathetic.

*I mean nothing against Tap here. There's nothing wrong with it. I love Shirley Temple.

The world is ending...

Pooh. I hate that I can't use tab to indent on this. SUPER ANNOYING.
Anyways...
I've had a fairly typical day today. Absolutely nothing unusual happened at all, which was actually pretty nice. It gets a little tiresome, having extreme day after extreme day. Like last week guys kept complimenting/flirting with me, which was awkward because I didn't always want to flirt back. And what exactly are you supposed to do when that happens, hmmm? Ignore them? Nod your head occasionally? Like I said, awkward.
Today in Art we played Truth or Dare/Would You Rather. It was my idea, of course, and we had a great time. I'm friends with like everyone in the back row where I sit, and we had a sub, so we all basically just goofed off all period. And it's art, so what is the teacher going to do? Stifle our creative impulses? I think not.
"Linda," I said, "The world is ending-"
Little Blonde Boy (real name is Jason, but he's a freshman and I like to annoy him) groaned and buried his head in his backpack at this point. We had played this game yesterday, and he was now familiar with my questions. I giggled and continued.
"The world is ending. There is an earthquake and a deep split down the middle of the room. You can only save one person besides yourself. Who would you save?"
"Hmm...." Linda says, "Probably Mrs. M-----" That's our Art teacher.
"Excuse me?" I raise an eyebrow. Linda is my best Art friend. I have a best friend for every class. Life's more fun that way.
"I mean you. Of course." I laugh again, and then ask Little Blonde Boy the same question.
"Little Blond Boy. The world is ending-"
"Noooo!" He buries his head further into his backpack. I think I might have traumatized him yesterday when I asked who he would pick if the world exploded and he had to repopulate the universe with someone in this room. Nobody would choose anyone- this is high school, after all.
Then Johnathan came over and started playing, so we switched to Truth or Dare. I dared Alex to go up behind Chantel and start randomly braiding her hair. Chantel is sort of a preppy bitch. And Alex did! It was so funny. He just goes up behind her and starts touching her hair, and she doesn't notice at first but then she whips around and starts yelling at him. I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe.
That was basically the highlight of my day. Spanish wasn't even as fun as it usually is, because theres this whole awkward (ugh! enough with that word!) thing between me and Justin. We have nothing to talk about but we like each other, so it's basically just smiling a lot. I would have just ignored it and gossiped/talked with Jocelyn and Aaron, but I was also stressed out about my grade. It's a B-. Which is almost a C. Ewwww.....
These are my grades this quarter:
Algebra: B+
Biology: B
P.E: B (I think)
World History: A+
Art: B
Honors English: A-
Spanish: B-
Pretty okay. I really wanted an A+ in English though, but oh well.
That's basically it. I'm not usually this shallow, but I'm not feeling especially thoughtful today. Some of my posts will be depressing, and some will make me seem like Preppy Barbie, because I'm moody and multi-faceted, and I can't help it. I also have kind of a tragic Lifetime Original Movie type family too, but more on that later.
Peace and Love,
Steph