Fishsticks.

Tomorrow is Winter Formal. I'll post pictures I'm sure, but I'm not even in the mood to go in the first place.
It is too late, though. I already bought new shoes.
*sigh*
Big crappish horridible thing with The S Word, or He Who Shall Not Be Named, or S...a...n. Not fun, very depressing, and of course I've had to explain the whole thing over and over to all of my friends who wanted to know what the hell happened. Starting with...
Bree Gabby Audrey Jacob Aaron Matt Jocelyn Heather and the chick I sit next to in World History who's name I cannot remember. It was awful, so I mostly just said I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
In case you are wondering what happened with The S Name...
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
IT happened on Thursday, and a day later I am still mildly depressed.
I'm becoming cynical in my old age. Soon no one will like me anymore.
Sometimes it's like the only reason anyone likes me is because they DON'T. They like the cutesie bubbly Drama Queen Stephanie who is happy all the time and cracks adorable jokes and laughs when you tease her.
Jordan teased me today and I snapped his head off. I'm just not. In. Le mood.
I'm three wrist slits away from being Emo, I sweartoGod.
The only really nice friends I have are guys, anyways. I told Aaron all about it and he bought me chocolate and said all the right sympathetic type things. I told Matt and he said not to worry about what S was thinking because guys don't think. Also that I was too young to worry about this stuff, because he is a senior and likes to be all parent-ish. Whatever.
I like seniors.
S was a senior...
Okay. Leaving now.
THANK YOU FOR NOT READING OR COMMENTING THIS.
IT MEANS A LOT.
(I told you I was getting cynical.)

It's like, BAZAM!

Arghh. Having your crush find out you like him is the second worst thing in the world, ya know?
The worst thing is nuclear war, but this runs a really close second.
Here is how it happened:
Danielle told her sister Kelly who told Shawn who wanted to see me. Met me. He asked Danielle if I would be at the library at lunch, and she said yes, and I bolted fastlikethis. Except I kind of really needed to turn in my book, and... I was curious. And nervous. And mad at certain sisters with gigantic mouths. So we went. And Danielle was like "Your going to talk to him," and I politely told her that that's just not how it works with me, and she said, "Try," and the librarian was all, "He's so sweet," and I sat down and read my book and waited. I must have read the same paragraph fifty thousand times.
He comes in. Danielle waves me over. I go up to the counter, which he is behind, helping out. He helps out at the library. Can vou say perfect match? I say, "What?" we talk quietly, while she tries to get me to say something to him. I refuse until I'm literally backing towards my book. I can't really remember what I said exactly, which is bad, especially considering Shawn was definitely listening. I sit down and "read." Danielle points me out to him, trying to get him to say something the same way she did me. Poor guy. He turns bright red, says, 'I think I should go now," and leaves. Leaves! D, of course, goes on and on about how he's never been that tongue tied, he must have liked me, blah blah blah. Whatev. HE LEFT. Doesn't that say everything?
I feel stupid. I hate feeling stupid.

I'll edit this later. Too depressed to spell check.

Blue Skies and Depression

Had the crappiest day today. It was the worst kind of awful, you know? When it starts out fantastic and then suddenly plummets into despair, like you're bipolar or something. Or like you had too many bowls of Rice Krispies for breakfast, whichever.
Everything has been going my way lately. All my tests are made up, I have awesome friends, a group to go to the Winter Formal with, great clothes and halfway decent hair. I think I jinxed it though, cause I was running the mile in P.E.,looking at the blue sky and the sweaty runners, just thinking how lucky am I, completely oblivious to the upcoming despair that is...

Shawn. Has. A serious girlfriend.

Shawn's a senior I met in the library, with perfect eyes and great style. The first guy who's really caught my eye since I came to this school, cause I'm uber picky when it comes to dating. He's one of Danielle's friends, and no matter how absolutely shocked she was that I liked him, I still do. Her other friends were shocked too, because he's not classically cute. He's Stephanie Cute, which makes a huge difference because I tend to disregard looks when it comes to crushes I meet in the library. He's very sweet, the librarian said. Very interesting, my World History teacher said. Very taken, Danielle informed me.

I sulked all the way to Art class.

"Do you like, really want him, or do you just think he's cute?" Danielle asked as we trudged away from the library.

"I just think he's cute," I lied. Like I was telling Danielle I was half head over heels for I guy I had said two words too. ("Hello, Shawn.")

And he's supposedly "in love" with Tiffany. Tiffany, with the bad skin and frizzy hair, who wears baggy band T-shirts to school~! To make matters worse, I followed Danielle over to say hi to him and he had his arm around her, calling her cute right in front of me and not even looking my way. Because apparently it does not matter how cute I am, Tiffany's wonderful sense of style takes precedence.

I'm gushing, I know.

I just haven't liked a guy this much since I was a freshman.

And I'm sad...

Stress. Stress. STRESS!

I haven't been on here in like a billion years because:
a. I've been busy
b. I had no idea anyone actually even read my first post
c. I just kind of forgot.
My grades have gotten kind of sucky since my first quarter report card. I've been absent a ton (I like to start my weekends early and end them late) so I missed about four tests. And P.E. A TON of P.E. Ms. I, my P.E. teacher, who hates anyone lacking muscles the size of grapefruits, has it in for me. Do you know what the penalty for five absences is, if you want any credit?
Why, four summaries of a health or sports article, of course!
I complained to Melanie about it and she started counting on her fingers.
"Ballet, Tap, Gymnastics, and Figure Skating."
"Oh." That kind of helped, but not really. I don't read magazines about sports. Not even girly, half-assed sports like Tap*. I was going to ask Jacob (super platonic friend, don't get any ideas) to find me a magazine, but I forgot. Crap. I guess I'll just search Yahoo for some article about Martha Graham and be done with it.
I finally made up the last of my tests on Friday, which should bring my grades back to decent, but now I have to stress about the stupid Winter Ball. December First, the only formal of the year where us sad lower classmen are allowed too. About a million people so far have asked if I'm going. Rebecca will not stop talking about it.
"So are you going?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"I'm not going to get a date."
"Just go with your friends then! Blah blah blah fun blah blah blah..."
Here is the thing: I really want to go. I love dressing up, and dancing, and flirting, and getting my hair done and all that fun formal stuff. But I can't think of anyone to go with- I have friends, but they're all going with dates. Who wants to be the third wheel??? Not even the third wheel wants to be the third wheel. She's just pathetically forced to be the third wheel, and then she goes home feeling left out and eats ice cream while sobbing.
Just guessing there, of course.
I could ask Jacob, I guess, or see who Danielle's going with- maybe there is some group I could wheel into. But I don't know. No more thinking about it.
And it's not like I'm the only pathetic one. Gabbi isn't going either. So there.
And Jacob might think I like him or something, if I ask him, and I don't. I like making fun of him, teasing him, flirting a little. That's it.
Oh, my God.
I am pathetic.

*I mean nothing against Tap here. There's nothing wrong with it. I love Shirley Temple.